This is me. I have exceptional vision.
I’ve been crocheting ever since I was five, when my grandmother grabbed my hand, slapped a hook and ball of yarn into it, and muttered “Maybe this’ll shut her up.” From there I went on to make untold quantities of afghans, cozies, and hideous potholders, all of which continue to gunk up my poor parents’ closets and pantries to this very day.
Since then, I’ve managed to tame my incessant hunger for handling hot cookware and have moved on to the finer art of PLAYING GOD. That is, I make fuzzy little crimes against nature. I loathe both patterns and unoriginality, and so all of my monstrosities are one-of-a-kind, happy little accidents of experimentation, tomfoolery, and some good old-fashioned inebriation.